im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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