I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
