we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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