dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
