There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize
