The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
