she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
