throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I will pee on everything he values.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Boobs are out for the taking
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
