You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
50% drunk capacity currently
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
