My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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