So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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