well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think your dad took our porno
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
