i think my mom watched the whole time
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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