She is in my trunk
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
