I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
