he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
