You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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