Screwed.edu
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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