I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
