I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
