im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
