this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you had me at cake vodka
Sorry my hands just texted you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
