I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
