I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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