its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
