I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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