I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
