She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
