I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
