We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
