I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
