I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
