I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
