Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it hurts more in the daytime
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Drunk is not a location!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
