How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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