That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
