I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
