Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
