She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
