So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
