And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
