My room smells like vodka and shame
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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