I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
