she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
