All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
