I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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