Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
