Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
