I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
