I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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