I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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