I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
