my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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