Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
