There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
