Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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