i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
