Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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